You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
