i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i'm inner monologue high
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize