Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
