they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize