I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
