is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ketchup is God's man juice
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
