At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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