i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
where am i from again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's rum buckets o'clock
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