I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize