you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
