I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
