she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did I show you my penis last night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
