My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize