You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
