Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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