I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
