Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
