I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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