Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
