Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
