She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
