just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she was so not down for the gang bang
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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