Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
