Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
