just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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