Do you still have your period?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
