the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
...so i touched it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
