she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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