please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
