you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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