Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
