I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
