What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
