Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize