I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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