its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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