Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
