im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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