Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
