He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
