the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
