I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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