Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
