Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
