Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
