Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
