I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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