I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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