So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
