Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
