Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
