i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
