when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
