Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize