we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
