He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
