Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
