America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
