Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
