i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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