I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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