After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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