38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
