Apparently you make a good broom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
