so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
