You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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