btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
