Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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