woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
