i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
