I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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