did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need to calm my uterus...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
